The feeling of weakness
Don’t give up
When you screw up. Everything around you falls apart. Your friends don’t seem to invite you places anymore. Or even worse, they are frustrated to see you. Whatever you say, lands on the opposite side of your intentions. Your family falls apart. There is only trouble.
You wake up one morning and it’s hard to get out of bed. Nothing matters anymore. Laying still with your eyes closed is the best you could do. There is no appetite. Not even pizza is the food to go anymore. You know it was your favorite guilty pleasure until this morning.
Your mind is blank with a chance of nasty recollection of your illicit behavior. You feel sorry, but no one wants to hear your excuses anymore. Your empty excuses. They are cheap.
The one person that always stood with you is suddenly distant. You feel them slipping away, but you don’t know what to do. Everything you do seems to push them away. You want them close; you need their hug, you need their advice. But, they are not there anymore. You used all the sympathy they had to offer.
You open your eyes, look around, close them and go back to the blank slate of bare existence. That is the only thing you do now, exist.
But you know you have to get up. Get up and push - even harder now. Harder than ever. Because you are a fighter, you fight for your life. The only one you got. It is a match. You are inside the ring. Life is going to beat the shit out of you if you don’t fight back. Get up and lift that middle finger. Get into the shower and scream. Scream until you feel like you are ready for the next round. You lost, but it is not the end.